


There is nothing for me but to love you

by AnaRose



Category: Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Gen, Post-Endgame, Single Timeline Theory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 15:41:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30040941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnaRose/pseuds/AnaRose
Summary: Working to build S.H.I.E.L.D. suddenly becomes much harder when Peggy Carter starts having constant dreams about Steve Rogers, despite him having died four years ago. Frustrated as to why she is still having such a hard time moving on, an answer knocks on her door one evening in the form of an older, exhausted super soldier who finally has the chance to come home and collect a dance.
Relationships: Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	There is nothing for me but to love you

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my version of what happened when Steve went back to Peggy at the end of Avengers: Endgame. Single-timeline theory, canon-compliant, also mentions of what Agent Carter season 3 should have been (which I may turn into a full story one day). More notes at the end, but please enjoy!
> 
> Title from "The Way You Look Tonight" by Dorothy Fields and Jerome Kern.

Monday August 8, 1949

_ They were dancing. Just as she had imagined they would. She was home again, finally back in his arms. The sounds of the dance hall faded away as the two of them swayed in the center of the floor, tight in each other's arms, too absorbed in the others eyes to notice the music shift to a faster beat. As they continued their slow circles, other couples started jostling them, snapping them out of their long awaited dance, and back to the larger room.  _

_ But once that focus shifted, other things in the room morphed as well. Fuzzy around the edges at first, then the music started sounding off key. People turned into shapes, and the floor felt like it was spinning. She held onto his hands, trying to ground herself to the moment. To stay there with him. The music sounded like radio static now, and even his eyes were starting to fade away, his expression gone blank… _

Peggy shot up right in bed, her heart pounding. Her clock read 4:27 AM. Groaning, she flopped back onto her pillows.

This was the third time in a week. The third time she had woken up in the middle of the night from a dream with Steve that had ended in him fading away. They were never scary, and he never ended in pain, but as hard as she tried, she could never get the dream to stay. Could never get him to stay with her on the dance floor. It was as if the universe was teasing her. Allowing her glimpses of what she was supposed to have, what she still wanted deep inside, but had accepted that she could never have. Steve was gone. He had been dead for four years, and yet no matter how hard she tried, he wouldn’t leave her alone. 

She occasionally still had dreams about him. Daydreams and dreams in sleep, usually both leaving her with feelings of longing and melancholy that might last for days. But for some unknown reason this week had seen her brain full of him. It wasn’t his birthday, or the anniversary of his death, or any other significant date that she could recall, so the sudden onslaught of memories and wishes about Steve was slightly unnerving, although not entirely unwelcome if she was being honest. 

Knowing that she wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep, Peggy got up and made her way to the makeshift exercise area in the basement. There was a proper gym at the office, though Peggy knew better than to try anything there without receiving a crude comment or two from the men, never mind that she was in charge of them all now. She wanted to call it her house, as she was technically the one who was paying for it, but that wasn’t entirely true as it was Howard’s name on the deed. Apparently living in 1949 meant that a woman could be director of a project that would hopefully become an international intelligence agency, but could not own her own house.

Howard had of course offered to pay for the house as well, but after spending the better part of three years living in his apartment in New York, she wanted something to make a place feel like her own. Angie was still living there, but had started paying half rent when Peggy had moved out a year ago. Again, of her own insistence, rather than Howard requesting it. Sometimes the man could be too generous for his own good. 

After an hour pounding the punching bag Mr. Jarvis had helped her install, Peggy got ready for her day. This week at the infant agency of S.H.I.E.L.D., she had three meetings with senators regarding funding, four phone calls to current S.S.R. branches, and the arrival of more agents to help set up the agency. Including one Chief Daniel Sousa. 

It wasn’t that she wasn’t glad Daniel was coming to help and that she would get to work alongside him again, it was just that their last few meetings had developed a tendency to end with a lot of awkward silence and overpolite handshakes. After they had gotten the call that Jack was on his way to the hospital in critical condition, there had been no time to figure out what was going on between them, and with the very immediate reminder of what tended to happen to people Peggy cared about (because damn her, she had just started to really care about Jack Thompson), she had ended things before they even really had a chance to start. She and Daniel had remained perfectly amicable for the next few months she spent in LA overseeing Jack’s recovery, but Daniel had remained in LA while Peggy and Jack had flown to London to try and uncover the mystery about the now missing file, a months long adventure that had more or less led them nowhere. Jack had stayed in London as a liaison to MI6 for the S.S.R. while Peggy had returned to the newly renovated New York office, now under the charge of Captain John Flynn. The few times they had met since then had been brief, but she had pulled Jack from London to help them set up S.H.I.E.L.D., and she knew how much Daniel could help them as well. 

She paused at her vanity, reaching towards the small photo of Steve she kept there before stopping herself and all but running out the door. She hadn’t slept enough the past week (not that she ever did) because she kept waking up from made-up memories of dancing in Steve’s arms. The last thing she needed this week was to keep getting distracted by the thought of him.

_ Good luck with that. _ She thought sarcastically. There hadn’t been a day since he died she hadn’t thought of him. Not that she wasn’t trying to move on, really she was. It was just that he had been so perfect for her, and no one else could ever come close to matching her in that way.  _ The right partner. _

“Carter!” 

Peggy let out a small sigh. Leave it to Phillips to get there before her, no matter how early she was. Sometimes she thought he stayed at the office and worked through the night (not that she hadn’t done that herself a handful of times).

“Good morning, Sir. We have a call with Camp Gordon at 10 about their training facilities, yes?”

“Yes. And I wanted to remind you about the meeting tomorrow with that weird tech company. I need you to either drag those new plans he keeps talking about out of Stark, or wrangle the man into showing up himself. I would prefer to sound as little like a fool as possible while talking about some crackpot idea to combine a gun and a camera, or whatever it is.”

“Of course,” Peggy responded while trying not to chuckle. Phillips was already back in his office and Peggy continued down the row of desks to reach her own next to his. Howard had been offered an office, but preferred to do any paperwork that was forced upon him in his lab (which had been pushed further and further down the hallway over the course of the first few months as phone calls in the bullpen kept getting interrupted by things exploding in the background).

Peggy unlocked the door and picked up the file she had accidentally left on her desk the previous Friday. Phillips, who had been insisting for months that she was overworking herself and that she needed a semblance of life outside of work, had finally convinced her to at least work from home on the weekends. He put her name at the top of the list of who to call if the skeleton weekend staff ran into any crises, and had roped the Jarvises into inviting her over for a bi-weekly dinner. 

Sitting down, Peggy inserted the file in its place within the stack she had taken home and continued to sort through the information. As excited as she was about being given the opportunity to build S.H.I.E.L.D. from scratch, Peggy missed being in the field. There was something about the adrenaline rush of chasing down Hydra or Council of Nine members that could never be replaced by sitting at a desk and trying not to yell at members of Congress over the phone.

“Hey Marge,” Jack shouted his usual greeting as he walked through her door.

“Good morning to you too, Chief Thompson,” Peggy replied without looking up from her papers. 

“I’m heading out to the airport to pick up that guy from the Chicago office coming to help out. You said something last week about a briefing file to get a headstart on getting the guy up to date.”

Finally looking up from her desk, Peggy stared at Jack for a second, before reaching down and opening the drawer on her left. She pulled out the top couple files to reach the brief, handing it over to Jack.

“Have him read it on your way back over and he should have a good enough idea of what’s going on to not be entirely lost in the update meeting this afternoon.”

“Yes ma’am,” Jack responded with a wink, before taking the file and leaving. Peggy barely managed to postpone her eye roll until his back was turned. Her relationship with Jack had greatly improved over the past two years due to his recovery and their mission to London together. Sure, he was still Jack Thompson and drove her up the walls half the time, but they had an understanding for each other now that had somehow led to him having a terrifying amount of trust in her. His nicknames and comments no longer held any judgement or condescension, and she found she enjoyed the banter between them. Jack had also developed a habit of chastising any agent that called her anything other than “Director” or “Ma’am,” despite the fact he only called her those titles in meetings or with government officials.

As she looked down at the drawer to replace the top files, Peggy froze. Staring up at her was that same photo of Steve. She didn’t remember when she had gotten a second copy of the photo, but she had needed him closer to her wherever she was, especially after they had officially decided to call the new organization ‘S.H.I.E.L.D.,’ after his weapon of choice. Peggy slowly reached down and took the photo out of the drawer. 

His eyes were the same. That had seemed the only physical aspect of Steve that the serum didn’t change. Even in the black-and-white photo she could see the intensity in his eyes. The fighting spirit to stand up for the little guys and do what was right. 

Still moving very slowly, Peggy reached down and closed the drawer, the photo still in her hand. Eyes flitting about for a moment, she spotted a fairly empty corner of her desk, and reached out to set the photo down there. Slumping back in her chair, Peggy gazed into Steve’s eyes. She needed him there, needed that constant reminder to keep fighting. Reaching out to angle the photograph towards her a bit more, she straightened up again and returned to her papers.

After her (surprisingly productive) call with Camp Gordon, Peggy ran down to the automat a few blocks away for a quick lunch. Despite not being kicked out of the office to collect lunch orders anymore, she tried to maintain the habit of leaving the office for lunch instead of getting someone else to collect it for her. She appreciated the small break it gave her, as well as the reminder of Angie and their lunchtime conversations. The waitresses in DC all seemed too stuck-up and self-absorbed to ever start any form of prolonged conversation. Angie was still in New York, having politely declined multiple offers from Howard to move her to Hollywood. She insisted that she preferred the stage, and was starting to get more roles, although she still worked at the automat between productions. Peggy tried to make it to at least one showing of anything she was in, although the work with S.H.I.E.L.D. the past year had made that a bit more difficult.

Upon her return to the office, the receptionist, a sweet girl named Annie Williams whose father was friends with Phillips, had a note for her.

“Good afternoon, ma’am. Call came in from LA while you were out. Agent Roberts said something about a delay but asked if you would mind giving her a call.”

“Of course, thank you Annie.”

Making her way back to her office, Peggy stopped and left the sandwich she had bought for Jack on his desk. She knew that he wouldn’t have time to get lunch on his way back from the airport, and she had been at the automat anyway. After fetching him lunch for months at the S.S.R., Peggy still had a pretty good idea of what he might be in the mood for on a given day.

Glancing quickly at Steve’s photo as she sat down, Peggy dialed the familiar LA office number. 

“Auerbach Theatrical Agency.”

“This is Carter. Please connect me to Agent Roberts.”

“Yes ma’am. One moment please.”

Peggy sighed. Rose’s replacement after Daniel had made her a full field agent was two years into the job, and still didn’t seem to have a handle on how to run the cover lobby and how to keep auditioners out. There was one story that had gotten passed along about a particularly eccentric actor who had tried to sneak around and find a back entrance to find Mr. Auerbach after being denied an audience from the front. How he got into the back stairwell, nobody knew, but he had gotten halfway down the hallway to the bullpen before an agent had come across him and escorted him out.

“Director, thank you for calling back.”

“Of course Agent Roberts,” Peggy smiled, perking up at the sound of Rose’s voice. “How are things out west. Annie said something about a delay.”

“Yes. We received a call about a potential lead on a case that’s been driving chief mad for months. He’s going to check it out tomorrow morning, meaning he won’t be able to get to DC until Wednesday. I know he’s going to be away a number of months, and he just wants to be sure that his temporary replacement here knows everything about the case. I really don’t know much of what the whole thing is about though as I’m still working on finding remains from the Isodine fallout. Seems they got funding from a number of very shady places.”

“Thank you for letting me know. I’ll be sure to notify the team working on greeting the incoming agents. How is the Isodine stuff coming?” Peggy asked as she noticed that Rose had refrained from actually mentioning Daniel by name. 

“Well, everytime I think we’ve found it all, a tiny detail pops up that leads to a whole other set of reports. But we’re definitely getting close.”

“Good, keep me updated. Not that I have anything to do with the case officially, I’m just interested to see how it all turns out.”

“Peg, you’re going to be involved in every case pretty soon. I’m sure you have ways to find out what’s going on.”

“Well maybe I just want to hear from my friend every so often…”

“That I can’t argue with,” Rose replied, and Peggy could hear the smile in her voice.

After spending a bit of time catching up with Rose, Peggy returned to her work. As she was packing up at the end of the day, she almost convinced herself that she had been more productive with Steve sitting there watching her, as if she were working harder to be sure not to let him or his memory down.

~*~*~

Wednesday August 10, 1949

_ It was too bright. The light seemed to be coming from every direction. Peggy knew that Steve was in front of her, could sometimes see his face through the blinding light, but couldn’t quite get a solid grasp on him. _

_ She took a step forward and he came into focus for a second before fading away again. She tried again. And again. Each time he would fade just out of reach. She was running now, trying to get to him. Trying to save him from the light.  _

_ Except suddenly it wasn’t so bright. Darkness was seeping in, making it even harder to see Steve. She shouted his name, but no response came. She was left alone, surrounded by darkness. _

Peggy’s eyes snapped open. She was staring at the ceiling of her room and could just see the early light creeping in through the windows. Slowly sitting up, Peggy replayed the dream in her head. She still hadn’t been able to work out why she was having a sudden onslaught of dreams about Steve, but they did seem to be getting progressively stranger. 

Perhaps she should mention it to someone. Actually, that was a bad idea. If she called Angie, she would end up with her trying to set her up on dates all the way from New York. Howard would start planning another expedition to try and find the Valkyrie. Mr. Jarvis would just sit there comforting her for a moment before offering her more tea. Phillips would try and get her to take a day or two off, which absolutely would not help.

Opening her closet, Peggy’s eyes caught on a red blouse that she had bought because the neckline reminded her of the red dress she had owned during the war. Figuring that since Steve was taking up so much space in her brain this week she might as well not fight it, she pulled the shirt off the hanger. 

One perk of always being one of the first to arrive and one of the last to leave the office every day was that she rarely ran into much traffic. She occasionally took the bus, but only on days when she was very aware of the fact that she hadn’t slept much, and would not be doing anyone a favor by attempting to drive across the city.

Mr Jarvis was the first person to knock on her door that morning. 

“Good morning Miss Carter,” he said, after she had invited him in. “I am here to drop of Mr. Stark so he can finalize a few papers and collect a piece of equipment. We are heading to Boston this afternoon so Mr. Stark may meet with a group of engineers about a new project he wants to work on for Stark Industries. We shall be back in time for Sunday dinner, however, so there is no need to worry. You are still able to come, yes?”

“Yes, Mr. Jarvis. Locked into my schedule every other week. Do not worry.”

Peggy did not miss the way that Mr. Jarvis’s eyes had quickly flitted to the photo of Steve on her desk. Not every S.H.I.E.L.D. agent knew what Captain America had looked like before Project Rebirth, but those who did had politely avoided asking her about the photo that had appeared. (Except for Phillips, who had given her a sad look and, as expected, asked if she needed a day or two off, citing the fact that she had seemed out of it and tired this week. Peggy had, of course, declined.)

“What time do you need to leave with Howard?”

“Flight is at four o’clock, so I will need to collect him no later than 3:15. Is there something I can do for you in the meantime?”

“Actually,” Peggy started, as she reached into her drawer and pulled out another briefing folder for the arriving agents, “Would you mind driving to the airport twice today? Chief Sousa is arriving from L.A. this morning and needs to read this file on his way over here. I’d rather not send Chief Thompson to collect him, as he is already behind on his work from driving to pick up multiple agents earlier this week.”

“Of course, Miss Carter. I’d be glad to.” He took the file from her and left to head to the airport after they discussed more of the details. Peggy was very grateful that he had tried to school his reaction to news of Daniel. He had been rather disappointed at their failed attempt to even start a relationship, but had been blindly supportive of whatever Peggy needed.

By the time she heard Mr. Jarvis and Daniel arrive in the bullpen, Peggy had gotten through most of her reports for the day. As she left her office, she was met by the sight of Jack and Daniel laughing about something a very pleased Mr. Jarvis had just said. It didn’t escape her attention how Daniel all but froze when he saw her. 

“Director, good to see you,” he said after recovering a moment later.

“And you Chief Sousa. Thank you for coming to lend us an extra hand.” She turned to Jack. “Have you shown him his desk yet? It might be helpful if Daniel were properly briefed before the meeting with that senate committee tomorrow.”

“Relax Carter. I’ve got it. I was just asking him if he has plans for Friday night. You are coming this week, right?” Jack had somehow gotten a team bonding exercise drilled into his head in London, and now insisted that a group of agents join him on Friday evenings for a few drinks at a bar before the weekend. Given that there were no cases that needed immediate attention of course. He had somehow convinced Peggy to come with them a few times after one of Phillips’ lectures about her needing something more of a social life. 

“I believe I’ll be able to. Especially if all agents are briefed and up to date on reports by then.” She responded with a raised eyebrow. 

After a nod of response, Peggy went to find Howard. She didn’t miss the way Daniel’s eyes followed after her. Halfway down the hallway to the lab she stopped and sighed. She had really been hoping that Daniel had been able to get over her by now, as it would be a lot easier for both of them to get work done without him staring after her all the time.

~*~*~

Friday August 12, 1949

By Friday, Peggy had lost enough sleep due to waking up from dreams that she decided to take the bus to work. She thought about telling Jack she couldn’t go to the bar that night, but knew he’d make a scene trying to get her to come, so she’d settled on one drink before heading home. 

Things with Daniel hadn’t been as bad as she was expecting. He certainly didn’t seem to be over her, but he had gotten better at hiding the fact, which had been very helpful in terms of the whole office being productive. It was also nice to have another agent in the office who wasn’t constantly questioning her authority. He had however froze for much longer than a second when he first noticed Steve’s photo on her desk, and although he had refrained from commenting, his eyes still flicked over there every time he entered her office.

Halfway through the morning, Peggy was staring into space, trying to get her tired brain to focus when Phillips came into the room, part way through a question about a missing signature from an army contract. 

“-if the man would just sign the damn thing we would be able to…. Carter!”

Peggy sat up and snapped back into focus “Sorry, yes, I’ll call his office again about…”

Phillips interrupted her. “Go home. You haven’t taken a day off in two years, and I know that wasn’t even really a vacation.”

“I’m fine, really. I’ll just rest a bit this weekend and… I-I’m fine.” She thought she might be trying to convince herself as much as Phillips. 

He gave her a skeptical look, but didn’t push the subject.

By the time she was packing up a few extra files for the weekend, Peggy just wanted to go home and collapse into bed. But she did have to admit that Jack’s weekly social events were bringing the team closer together, and was helpful for getting the agents to know each other. S.H.I.E.L.D. had yet to hire any new agents, and was currently just pulling agents from the S.S.R., which was still functioning in cities other than D.C. until they could get S.H.I.E.L.D. fully up and running. Phillips had started talking recently about hiring a few completely new people so that they could start testing S.H.I.E.L.D.’s new training program.

The bar that Jack had chosen this week wasn’t far from the office, so Peggy walked instead of taking the bus. She was one of the last to arrive, and ordered a whiskey before sitting down in an empty chair next to Daniel. He was talking to one of the agents who had started from the D.C. office. 

Peggy was half listening to their conversation, and half listening to an increasingly drunk Jack having a very loud argument with an agent from the New York office about Yankees scores.

“Are you okay Peggy? You’ve been very quiet tonight.” 

Peggy turned her attention back to Daniel, who was giving her a concerned look.

“Fine, thank you Daniel. Just tired. It’s been a long week.” Daniel nodded. “How has L.A. been? Rose tells me she’s getting closer to properly wrapping up the Isodine mess.”

Daniel chuckled at that. “Yeah, who would’ve guessed we’d still be thinking about that case at this point. They really got themselves rooted into every possible hole they could find.”

After chatting a bit more about Daniel’s work, Peggy announced that she was going to take the bus home before it got too late. 

“Let me drive you,” Daniel offered immediately. Seeing Peggy start to protest, he quickly added “I’m still adjusting a bit to the time difference, and really don’t want to be responsible for that when he decides to head home.” Peggy turned to where Daniel had pointed and saw Jack bent over the table with laughter. 

“Alright. Thank you.”

The ride to Peggy’s house mainly consisted of her giving directions, while Daniel occasionally commented on the scenery. It wasn’t quite awkward, but it wasn’t exactly comfortable either. 

Daniel insisted on walking her to the front door when they arrived, before politely saying goodnight, and heading back to the car.

As Peggy set her files down in her office and got ready for bed, she found herself almost looking forward to dreaming of Steve again, just so that she could spend another hour pretending she was in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Slight disclaimer is that I haven't posted my writing online in like, 4 years, so we'll see how this goes. This story has been writing itself in my head for months, so I finally had to actually write it down. I have most of it planned out, but absolutely no idea when the rest of it will be written, so I'm not even going to pretend to make a posting schedule. But it will be finished eventually!
> 
> Also, I hate/am terrible at editing my own stuff, so apologies for any errors.
> 
> Please let me know what you think! I'm also new to posting on AO3, so please let me know if there are other tags or stuff I should add. Currently rated because I'm not sure exactly what will happen, but could go up depending of what I feel like writing when we get there.
> 
> Sorry there's a lot of Daniel here, but Steve will get here in the next chapter, don't worry!


End file.
